Praying for a Pixie

I've just had two of my very worst days...I let myself down again, and I feel like I'm going kind of crazy (and not in the Sexy kind of way). I have to make a choice tomorrow, and I don't know what to do. I think I know what is right...but I'm confused as to wether I just don't want to do it (because of my own fears, anxieties, and insecurities), or if it really doesn't feel like the best thing to do...Or if it is something I should really just make myself do!

*big sigh*

I don't even know what is the best thing anymore because I've lost all trust in myself. My heart just kind of aches...along with everything else. I just need to release this in some way, and this techno-computer buddha kick a** community seems like a safe place to let it out!

So, tonight I'm putting a prayer and a poem in my pocket for:

love (from myself mostly)

friendship

hope

belief

wonder

patience

acceptance

forgiveness

...and for a little pixie on my shoulder (preferably one with flaming red hair and a spunky attitude!) who can whisper happy thoughts in my ear and remind me of my dreams, my passions, and my good heart during the times when I seem to completely forget it all in the darkness.

I know each day is a fresh start, but I'll most likely still wake up not knowing what to do. Hopefully, with whatever choice I do make (good or bad), I'll accept it, move forward, and won't beat myself up about it.

Sending out all my love and .:*PiXie DuSt*:. to all the Crazy Lovelies here,
Kendra

Oh, pretty, pesky, pinky, powerful Miss. Pixie...where are you?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sandra on September 24, 2008 at 1:59am: Close your eyes and imagine the pretty pesky pinky powerful Miss Pixie. Really look at her and note all of her strengths. what does she look like, what does she say to you, what is she wearing, what are her qualities that you pray for most. Really observe, feel her presence.

Now know, you are looking into a mirror dear Miss Pixie. She is in you, She is you. Feel her. feel you

You can trust in your true heart. Take your decision there - right into your heart!

Lots of love to you . . . and remember the stars in the sky and how beautiful they are - it takes the darkness of night to see them but in the brilliance of day you Trust they are there and they are!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Bren from Rivendell on September 24, 2008 at 2:00am: She's within you love. And she knows what you need. Just relax and the answers will come. Take it easy on yourself, that is the hardest lesson in this life. Giving up people pleasing is the second. Its not that there are not rules or boundaries or limitations in this life. There are. But discovering true core self. True love of self, not self grandisement, or self-serving, but self-love that forgives self and can then truly gives that grace to others. Thats what love is...that's acceptance. It's called agape love, unconditional love. Love also does not accept abuse from others. Wisdom and discipline and advise yes, but abuse and neglect and intentional pain, never. That is not acceptable. EVER...

So put some glitter on your hair girl and go sparkle and write "beautiful" on your mirror as a reminder and go do something kind for someone and tell them to pay it forward...it will keep you from focusing on yourself at least for a time. Make it a practice at least once a week.

May the grace that has been bestowed upon me be granted unto thee love,
Bren; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by REO on September 24, 2008 at 2:25am: Kendra,

YOU are the 'right' decision.

Love & Huggs - Always!!! :)

Ron; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kendra Jacklyn on September 24, 2008 at 10:08am: Dearest Sandra, Bren, and Ron:

Thank you all so much for your words of wisdom, enouragement, and love!!

Sandra-I think I will take your suggestion about imagining Miss. Pixie, and maybe start writing stories about her or poems...anything to get her out into the world! Thank you for all the love, always!! <3

Bren-Glitter in my hair sounds like the perfect cure for most anything...I'm gonna go write "beautiful" on my mirror with hot pink lipstick right now!! Love!

Ron-Thank you so much for all your love and hugs...I can feel them!

So much LOVE for all of you Crazy Sexy Kind souls! And pockets overflowing with .:*PiXie DuSt*:.!!
<3
Kendra; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Callie on September 24, 2008 at 11:16am: You have to close you eyes and listen really hard... she is there whispering in your ear right behind all that background noise in your head. I am sorry you are going thru such a rough week. I so understand mine has been one very challengeing one... I am sending you tons of love and light and peace. Remember to stop the train sometimes and just take an hour to acess how much you love you.. in that love.. the God love that lives in each of us there is endless understanding, limitless forgiveness and the chance for joy.. deep and abiding joy in knowing that just being you is all that is asked from the universe to please the world and make all things right. If you are struggling over a decision it sounds like you are going against your gut.. get quiet and find your YOUR gut.. release all the advice and helpful words and when you find you answer you will know and the rest can settle like bad dust around you while the pixie dust you crave can cause you to laugh and if you laugh.. you will fly...............know you are loved. Hugs and Peace.. Keep us posted Callie; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kendra Jacklyn on September 24, 2008 at 1:00pm: Thank you for the encouragement Callie!! Those are such kind words, and I appreciate them very much!

Love, love, love
kendra; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by genie on September 24, 2008 at 11:22am: Here's your red-haired pixie:; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kendra Jacklyn on September 24, 2008 at 1:01pm: She's so cute! Thanks, Genie!!!

love,
Kendra; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Carole on September 24, 2008 at 11:28am: Kendra,

I woke up this morning and made coffee for my husband who has been taking care of me around the clock. My suggestion is for you to ask the Pixie to give you strengt to help someone else. You already did in fact by helping me confront my fears of emptiness. You made me feel like I can contribute and this is a joy. So Big Fairy hugs all around; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kendra Jacklyn on September 24, 2008 at 1:01pm: Fairy hugs to you, too!!
love,
kendra; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Goony on September 25, 2008 at 12:54pm: Hey Kendra! I hope that you found your pixie and that you are able to make the right choice today without hesitation or regret. Peace!

goony; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Kendra Jacklyn on September 25, 2008 at 3:47pm: Thank you so much Goony! I did make a decision. My Mom actually helped me with it.
I'll probably never really know if it was the right decision or not, but I just can't let myself dwell on the unkown. (I really need to practice what I preach!!)

Love to you, and .:*PiXie DuSt*:. too (Oh no!! I'm rhyming...yikes :)

Kendra; ▶ Reply to This

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