CanSer Faux Pas!

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Permalink Reply by Dee on February 28, 2008 at 10:34pm

Ohhh my favorite. I swear, I get a new one every day...somebody is bound to say something completely ignorant to me at some point or another. And I really wouldn't mind if they didn't act so...cocky?

Okay so, I have to go to lots of event schmooze fest things that are work related, and I seriously...get asked the 'oh my gosh you look so skinny and fabulous WHAT is your secret' comment ALL the time. I always respond with 'aw thank you, chemotherapy! It's AMAZING'. That usually shuts them up pretty fast.

A bit ago I was asked what I do to stay so skinny and fabulous, and I told the woman I'd be happy to give her my oncologists card, she got really excited because she clearly wasn't really listening to what I was saying (one of my biggest pet peeves) and once she processed it, her entire face dropped. It's okay though, I held her champagne for her while she lifted her foot and inserted it into her mouth. And instead of apologizing or anything she just gave me a dirty look, flipped her hair over her shoulder, and walked away. Classy broad right?

I've also had my neighbor leave me home made muffins (that I couldn't even eat because of the ingredients) complete with brochures on how to 'die right' outside my door. Apparently, I can't even die properly. But I mean, who DOES that?

I've been told I'm 'cool for a sick chick'...I've had people say 'oh really? I know someone who JUST died from that'.

Other things like 'such a shame, you're so pretty' or 'you're so brave' or 'you poor thing' or my personal favorite 'maybe you can find Jesus and he will save you'.

OH and my favorite favorite: 'you have cancer? but I thought your family was like, uber wealthy'.

I could go on and on but those are just a few of them. :)

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Permalink Reply by Christine on March 11, 2008 at 6:06pm

Wow.. much like I am sometimes embarassed on behalf of my race when someone makes a racist or ignorant comment, I am also embarassed on behalf of people everywhere who don't have cancer!! I am so shocked at some of the things you guys are saying.. but then again, I am shocked at many of the ridiculously ignorant things people do and say... Hugs and apologies to you all!!

Christine

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Permalink Reply by Lynn Lane on June 22, 2008 at 2:50pm

I am sitting here on my blackberry reading this thread and can't wait to get home to respond to this so I am doing it now. If I here another story about someone's father or grandfather dying from this, I am going to go Pulp Fiction on their ass! Can people not hear themselves? It is truly unbelievable. Okay their is my phone rant. ;-)

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Permalink Reply by Lynn Lane on June 22, 2008 at 2:53pm

Oh and the last thing that I have to add is when someone asks me how much time did they give me.....Aaaaaaargh!!!

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Permalink Reply by Caroline on June 22, 2008 at 4:07pm

I truly love your spirit!! Problem was I was once so dumb and maybe sometimes I do say stupid stuff trying to say the right thing, but until you have actually been there, done that, Like when i lost my husband, words truly can't express the right hertflelt intentions we have. I think you just find out who really cares, because for me its just about being with loved ones, it's just that simple, spending time, a valueable comoditiy just treating me like a person and somehow not thru you, "at you" , don't need their crap. I guess thats why i went from 100's of friends to a very few. However they are the cream of the crop!!
ps. i do love reading about it, i'm not the only one it happens too! thanx for sharing. caroline

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Permalink Reply by Deborah (Skyecat) on September 19, 2008 at 9:07am

Dee, how are you doing? Haven't seen a post from you in awhile. I hope you're okay.

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Permalink Reply by AnnGbaby and Mz Kit (me on rt mom on lft) on September 22, 2008 at 4:38pm

I would like to say as a child I was taught never to give pitty to any one who has a disease or a disability and sometimes I found it hard to do...I have found myself saying some of this as a young person...such things like, "do you have a pastor who can pray for you and ask God to take it all away?" or "I feel so sorry for you I wish that I could take it away from you and make you all well." I say this because I was a CHILD thinking in a childish way....these people being grown have alot to learn and need to leave their "CHILDISH" thinking in the past. I have recently experienced from a relative on my dad's side of our family; about my moms condition...I had mentioned that I dont like the way chemo is aging my mom and how weak she is after every treatment...and their response was " oh man that sucks your mom was for sure fine!" That really ticked me off like what the **))* do you mean "was" and she is always going to be pretty to me. I had to check him and tell him to keep his opinions about her looks or anything else to yourself!

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Permalink Reply by Rhonda on February 29, 2008 at 2:19pm

Here are a couple of my recent favorites (I try to forget them fast so they don't linger and pester me.)

From a friend who wants to ask about prognosis, "So, how long do you have?"
My response, "For what?"

Another is a comment special for me because I am a 300lb sexy canser chick. "So, you gonna lose weight now that you have cancer? I guess that's the party bonus right."

Who knew there were party bonuses with cancer?

Now you know.

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Permalink Reply by Barb, aka the commander on March 8, 2008 at 12:10am

I was talking with my sister in law the other day about how much weight I had lost since my diagnosis, to which she replied, aren't you glad you had some to lose? yup, that's my new diet, I lost 40 lbs in 6 weeks, didn't count calories, no exercise, it's simple....get cancer!

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Permalink Reply by Jenny on March 8, 2008 at 9:52am

I've got a bit of a sick sense of humor. When I found out I was going to have to have radiation therapy, I joked.. "Well, I have been trying to lose that weight I gained post- brain surgery". My parents and husband didn't think that was funny. Of course, that was my way of dealing with the shock that my cancer was back. Little did I know I would actually lose weight from the treatment b/c of appetite loss and the body trying to heal itself from the damage caused by the radiation. I didn't lose nearly as much weight as you, but I have joked about the "radiation diet". Sometimes I think I have to be careful what I say to others, it freaks people out sometimes. :)

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Permalink Reply by Joan Acello on March 12, 2008 at 10:04am

You and me Jenny. I also have a wicked sense of humor. Called my surgeon and plastic surgeon "Dr. Cleaver", called my treatment "scorched earth" and people who don't have what we have I think are petrified by it and just have no idea how to react. I had the aggravation diet waiting for my diagnosis. Still have the aggravation diet--zero appetite--and have to choke down healthy food. I just can't handle the green food they're all after me to eat--revolting! I think we'll be stuck on the aggravation diet for a long time. Good luck, mind over matter, kick ass girlfriend.

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Permalink Reply by Anna on March 20, 2008 at 6:12pm

Rhonda, I hear ya! I get comments like that from my family, or things like "You look so healthy now that you've lost some weight." It's like, are you kidding me????

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