How to NOT kill my Fiancee!!!!

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Permalink Reply by Baldylocks on March 25, 2008 at 4:21am

I think the men want you to do it all for them? That's my experience.

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Permalink Reply by Lisa on March 25, 2008 at 7:10am

Beautiful dress... beautiful location. Take it easy, don't let it stress you. For instance: if you don't like the answers, stop asking the questions. Choose your battles. Most things are not worth getting into a homicidal rage over. Relax. Enjoy. You only get married (for the first time) once.... LOL!

P.S. Remember to "choose your battles" after the wedding too. (It works with in-laws and children, as well!!!) Trust me... hindsight is 20-20. Smile, nod your head, say thank you... and then do what YOU want!

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Permalink Reply by pendlewitch on March 25, 2008 at 9:01am

Don't ask, just do ;-) That from a married of 12 years and 18 together lol.

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Permalink Reply by Goony on March 25, 2008 at 9:22am

Breath! Seriously. I think woman can take the whole wedding day a little too seriously, and men, well, they just don't get it. I chose the 3 most important things for me. The dress, the ring, and the church. All the rest I just let happen. I called the florest, told her what colors I liked, and said "go to town". I told my best friend to choose her own bridesmaid gown, and she chose where to have my reception. My husband chose the limo company. My mother chose the menu. Everyone always tells me it was the most beautiful wedding they have ever been to. The flowers were gorgeous and I didn't see them until the day of the wedding, her briedesmaid gown was beautiful, the reception ended up being on the top floor of a hotel in dowtown Cleveland, with a terrace so people could go outside and see all of the city all lit up, the limos sucked, but who cares, we were only in them for a while, the food was great, .......................it all just fell into place somehow. I didn't stress about it and I'm really glad. I was never one of those girls that dreamed of a grand wedding. I didn't care much about it as long as it got done. It ended up being perfect (other than I was 5 months pregnant) and it didn't cost a fortune either. We didn't go into debt for it. My friends father took the pictures, and my sis-in-law made the cake. It was great! Men just don't care about that kind of stuff. It's really the woman's day. So make the choices that you really want to make, and delagate some if you can. The less you have to worry about, the more you will enjoy your big day! Your dress and the location are so beautiful!

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Permalink Reply by the glitter kid on March 25, 2008 at 10:10am

Your location and dress look amazing! I'm no where near getting married so I don't feel like I can give you any other advice... :P

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Permalink Reply by Mel on March 25, 2008 at 10:37am

I know what you're going through. I'm getting married June 1, '08. We are also having a small, non-traditional wedding, but there's still tons of planning and details. Though I've asked his input in every decision, the only specific task I asked my boyfriend to do was to decide where he'd like to go on a honeymoon and to get his suit. That's it. He didn't come up with anything for the honeymoon, and he shot down every idea I came up with. Finally, after months of me stressing over the fact that we hadn't booked a honeymoon, I went ahead and booked a hotel in Charleston, SC last week, which is where I initially wanted to go (he said he thought it would be boring there), figuring I could always cancel the reservation if he came up with another idea. To my surprise, he didn't revolt when I told him I booked it; he seemed relieved, so looks like we're going. I guess he just wanted me to do it. Like you say, the input is always negative, but no substantial contribution or suggestion is offered. Next time, I think I'll save myself months of stress and go ahead and book things from the beginning (as long as I can cancel it if necessary). But, I really want to be equal partners, so it's hard to navigate these situations...I feel your pain :) We're also looking for a new place to live (we don't live together yet), and guess who is doing all of that research? Yep, me. The funny thing is, I am not a type "A" person; I am not organized or detail-oriented. So, it's not easy for me to do all of this planning either...

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Permalink Reply by Adventure Grrl on March 25, 2008 at 2:38pm

I have no advice, just love! And to tell you that you are HILARIOUS! And I have your email so I'll send you some "cheer up" pics.

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Permalink Reply by Dharma on March 25, 2008 at 3:08pm

I ditto Pendlewitch...don't ask, just do. from someone married 26 years. Good luck ! peace-tina

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Permalink Reply by Caroline on March 25, 2008 at 3:29pm

We got married 3 years ago and bought a house at the same time - and my husband was in the army and out of town and mostly unavailable for the majority of it. I made lots of the decisions on my own but consulted him often. Our creed was - we are only doing it once so we are doing it right. But we didn't worry about all the little crap. The only decision he really cared about was what kind of cake we had. Everything else he really didn't care. I did delegate him the task of planning our honeymoon. Which he liked and was one last thing for me to do.

Anyway, my advice is dont ask him, tell him, just like everyone else said. Give him a couple of responsibilities and let him do them as he wants to. Everything else, make the decisions.

PS I love your dress and would be happy to be a guest at your wedding just so I could go to that waterfall!

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Permalink Reply by Lauren on March 25, 2008 at 4:03pm

I'm with Goony -- Delegate! I also agree that you probably have to make most of the decisions. All he has to do is show up unless there is something he really wants to be in charge of. If you can handle it then let it go and give him total responsibility for whatever it is he wants to do. Now if he wanted to be in charge of bridesmaid dresses, I wouldn't be inclined to be okay with that. Ohmigod my brother picked out the bridesmaid dresses for his wedding and they were superman colors!! I kid you not! It was a red skirt with simple blue flowers, and a blue sleeveless top. We did love superman growing up :)

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Permalink Reply by Hannah on March 25, 2008 at 5:32pm

Uhmm...why are you asking him his opinion? If he's like most guys, he'll only express an opinion or question your choices if you give him the opportunity. If you just proceed with the plans and TELL him what's going to happen, most likely he will just take the path of least resistance and agree with what you've selected. If you say, "Do you like sage green for the table linens?" of course he'll say no...he probably doesn't know the difference between sage or celery or celedon...but YOU do and YOU are the bride and as sexist and outdated as that may sound I can GUARAN-TEEEE your fiance is not on some website complaining that you won't let him decide if he gets to wear a vest or cumberbun. Be realistic...if you say "Honey, we're going to have acoustic guitar for the ceremony and Pink Floyd for the recessional." do you honestly think he'll argue with you. He may even say...I don't like that idea. But you know what you say to that...until HE is prepared to take over all the planning, organizing, calling, bartering, filing, researching et cetera that is required to get this event to happen, he can just SHUT IT! I love men, but sometimes they just don't know what they don't know, y'know? And YOU know! So trust yourself, plan with the advice of trusted women (or gay men) in your life, and tell him where and when to pick up his tux. That's really all you can expect. By the way...Congratulations! I hope you guys have fun!!!

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Permalink Reply by Mel on March 25, 2008 at 6:12pm

LOL!

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