Let's talk about dating and our crazy sexy love lives...

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Permalink Reply by Teresa on June 10, 2008 at 9:36am

Oh yeah---I forgot about the look-like daughters!

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Permalink Reply by bueller on June 8, 2008 at 5:34pm

ALZ

I understand. Just remember if you are honest about the situation and you put it out there than the person will not feel badly because they will know up front. You deserve love and that's the most important thing to remember. And more important of all you deserve your own love. Maybe dating yourself for right now wouldn't be so bad either! Love yourself and others will take your lead.

Bueller

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Permalink Reply by bueller on June 8, 2008 at 5:30pm

Sheila-
Your counselors advice sounds a lot like my horse trainers. That's funny and wise!

You are very fortunate. I say fortunate and not lucky because fortune is something that you work hard at whereas luck is arbitrary. May we all be so fortunate!

Be well
Bueller

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Permalink Reply by Dani on June 5, 2008 at 4:42pm

I have a huge scar on my stomach, so everyone looks at me when I go to the beach or to the pool. Some people ask me what it is, other people just stare, but from the get-go, they know it must have been something bad. So these people I do not need to worry about.

But considering I don't usually go places in my bikini, at some point I had to tell my potential boyfriends about my surgery. I never had a problem with that and just brought it up as I saw appropriate. It's no big deal and it's part of who I am. Love me or leave me.

I had very different experiences during my two bouts with cancer. When the first liver tumor was found, I was 28 and dating a guy for about four months. He had a lot of issues that were no related to me and I was his "balance". When my life started being too complicated the relationship crumbled. He was OK but not there for me 100% and I knew he was not the right one then. When I learned about the nature of the tumor (malignant) and the kind of treatment I would need, I called him just looking for some support. His answer: "Wow, that's really terrible. Of course I will support you but just don't expect for us to get back together because you found out you are sick." And that was that. It was hard but I dropped him completely. I knew I deserved better.

Three years went by and I was totally healthy again when I met my husband. Right before we had our first official date I had to tell him that I was going to have surgery and would be away for a while. When he asked me what it was I told him I was having plastic/reconstructive surgery on my scar and we went from there. He was very sweet asking questions and was really touched by my whole ordeal.

Little did we know that that would not be my last surgery. After being married for only nine months, doctors spotted another liver tumor. It was hell on Earth all over again. But my husband was there for me at all times. He went to all the doctors appointments, tests, visits and stayed with me in the hospital. He has been fantastic. He is my rock and everything to me.

So, yes, definitely there is love after cancer, and lots of it. We just need to find the right person.

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Permalink Reply by bueller on June 8, 2008 at 5:40pm

Thank you Dani for sharing such a personal story that is so inspirational

Bueller

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Permalink Reply by bueller on June 8, 2008 at 5:45pm

Thank you Dani for sharing your brave and inspirational story! That is so great to hear!

Bueller

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Permalink Reply by Austin from Earth! on June 7, 2008 at 8:16pm

I do not currently date; however, when/if the day ever comes around, I don't know how I'd ever be in a position to not have to share what I've been through. I have 4 scars on my stomach, chest, and back and one on my leg... that's bound to raise curiousity.

I do know that it will not be easy for me to share. I don't even like talking about it to my friends who've never had cancer, so unless my future partner was a survivor I don't see it being easy for me. There are times in casual conversation I might have to mention it, but I just sort of drop the bomb and let it hang. I make them ask if they want more details.

Just the other night I was talking on the phone to *i hope* a future roommate, and we were talking about our mutual non-lives and I casually mentioned this website and then just moved on. He did not run with it, and I did not elaborate.

Well, I don't know if this helps or not...

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Permalink Reply by bueller on June 8, 2008 at 5:47pm

Austin:

Just remember that it is hard to find anyone these days that haven't been touched some way by cancer. It may surprise you. People do act weird and some people just don't know how to handle it. Many people though can relate in some way. I wish you the best. Stay open and true and you will find the supportive person you are looking for!

B

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Permalink Reply by Maria on June 7, 2008 at 9:40pm

I certainly worry about what my future holds and what that means for my relationship. He says he will never leave me, but there is a very real possibility that I will need to use a wheelchair in my near future if my disease keeps progressing at this rate...and I'm only 23. I often wonder if he really understands the gravity of my situation...

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Permalink Reply by bueller on June 8, 2008 at 5:44pm

Hi Maria:

I can't possibly imagine what you must be going through. All I can say is if someone wants to love you, let them love you. I'm sure they understand way more than you think they do. You are amazing and deserving!

Bueller

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Permalink Reply by bueller on June 8, 2008 at 5:48pm

Maria:

I can't imagine what you must be going through. All I can say is remind yourself that you deserve to be loved. If someone wants to love you, let them! I'm sure they know what their in for more than you understand. You are worth it and accepting their love is just as much a gift for them as it is to give it!

B

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Permalink Reply by Colleen on June 9, 2008 at 2:52pm

Dating? I need to talk about "love"...the kind that feels so deep that it is part of your being. Ther kind that yearns daily and is not something that can be ignored or forgotten. Time in this case, is not about healing but about accepting the gift that it has already been and will continue to be. Just not in the form I want it!! My fear is that I will never settle for less than what this feels like and it might render me alone forever. I am referring to my best friend of 38 years! My best friend when I was 12...and 6 years ago we re-connected after 32 years. He is the one that got me through the tough times during this cancer walk, the one I can talk to about anything, the one that puts me into such a peaceful state when I am with him~ the one that sent me flowers 3 times while I was either in the hospital or recovering at home. The one that tells me that he thinks about me all the time....and yet, here we are in this platonic realationship...usually via email/phone with occasional visits. He had " a life" before we re-connected...house, live-in girlfriend, etc...and we never crossed the line even though the tempation has been great. Thing is...how does one just aknowledge the blessing in this friendship and move on!!?? Not move away from it but try to date...and find someone that makes me feel the way he does!! At this point in my life, I don't want to settle for less than the "real deal"...and I know what it feels like!! I don't know what to do with the feelings!! My whole life...at least since 12...only in love this man!! I am so tired of people saying. "maybe you'll meet a nice man"...(I meet a lot of nice men~ nobody I want to kiss!) or those that say, "dump him"....one does not dump a best friend and someone that has been nothing but kind to me. Just had to get that out!!

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