CanSer Faux Pas!

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on April 7, 2008 at 7:56pm

Wow - talk about a rumour mill gone wild! I am glad that you didn't let it get to you though. (I don't think I'd even want to know if such things are being said about me!)
I guess it drives me a bit nuts because it's not like these people actually CARE - they pretend to, but they don't really... it's just fuel for their gossip. They don't really want to know what happened to me or how I'm doing.
Oh well- such is life. I have to figure out what to do about my boss though. I work in a VERY small industry where everybody knows everyone else, so I'm not sure how beneficial it would be to bring up this lack of confidentiality and make an issue of it. But yes, I'm really disappointed in her lack of professionalism and sensitivity....although I can't say I'm all that surprised, unfortunately.

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Permalink Reply by jillybean on April 9, 2008 at 5:09pm

You know, I'm pretty much up front with everyone too. Dealing with questions directly related (stupid or not) to your health may be people prying, may be out of concern or need to understand, or may be for reference on how to arrange things while you're out. The point is, if you give straightforward info, you're accomplishing a few things. You are creating your own forum to educate people (and it seems they're sorely uneducated about any cancer), you aren't giving them opportunity to create rumors, you're laying down a legal basis for keeping your position (ie., I'll be back), and you will probably have a bigger support group which we all understand is so vital to getting ourselves 100%. Don't be afraid of how people will react. Since I've been telling people in my office by bits and pieces, I've honestly been shocked to know that even people who work next to each other haven't passed on the news to other people in their group. Some people are kind of cautious around me because they don't know what to say, but they've all been supportive (although a little quieter--which kind of bugs me because I'm pretty boisterous). Give them an opportunity to understand and be lighthearted around them when they give you the pity looks. Most people have questions but don't know how to ask them or if it's ok to ask. If someone gets overtly mean, stupid or offensive with you, you have to decide then whether you want to ignore them or respond with humor, sarcasm or educated information. You are in charge!
You'll be ok--hey, you're dealing with cancer. That's worse than office chit chat!

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Permalink Reply by Sweetfightgirl on April 4, 2008 at 8:53pm

I didn't mean to make it sound harsh either as I hope it is just a rude rumor mill. But I did want to let you know what I had to do. That book I mentioned, shows what a lot of ppeople did from hiding to tell and in between. Maybe it can help you make a hard decision. I held a very public and high position before my illness and my employer is an unfortunate person who can not accept I didn't lose my marbles but just had a tumor and had it removed then had ot deal with the consequences after it all. I just hate seeing things sad about us and it makes me angry and fighting back...I was a patient advocate and always will be! Here is the link to the article and like I said you may need someone of legal stature involved, don't try to do this yourself as you deserve your dignity before your illness. http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/21/fashion/21WORK.html?ex=1204261200...

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on April 7, 2008 at 7:59pm

Thank you for passing on this information. As I said in the post above I'm not sure if it would be to my benefit to make a big deal out of this. News travels fast especially in the small industry I work in, and I don't want to be branded as a troublemaker or anything like that. Wouldn't I also have to show some kind of negative result? This woman (my boss) could make my life very difficult if she wanted to...even if I don't work for her in the future.
Ugh - it seems like everything is stacked against the patient isn't it?
Oh and PS - I'm in Canada so not sure if this is applicable here the same way as in the US...

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Permalink Reply by Teresa on April 8, 2008 at 11:36am

After I had my PEG tube placed, my brother and his wife came by my house. My brother's wife enquired as to how I was feeling, and I explained that I had just gotten a PEG and it hurt. My brother(a paramedic) said, " PEG tubes are nasty. And they small really bad."
Uh, thanks....
Now I am scheduled to have a thyroidectomy, and I can't believe the number of people who have made no qualms about telling me, "Now you're going to be fat!"

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Permalink Reply by Michelle on April 9, 2008 at 12:18am

Are you serious? I just had half my thyroid removed a few weeks ago (currently waiting to find out if I need to have the whole thing removed)...

I never once heard that weight gain was something we need to be concerned about though.

Is this just a dumb faux pas remark, or actually something with a bit of truth behind it.....anyone???

PS Teresa, come join our Crazy Sexy Butterflies group for thyroid cancer peeps...
xoxo

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Permalink Reply by Sweetfightgirl on April 9, 2008 at 12:23am

my friend had hers out and is so thin i worry she is anorexic but she eats like a horse...well a lot. at first it was finding the right replacement hormones and once she did she returned to her body as it was when she was younger. She s so healthy and happy now and recently got pregnant too...so I guess you could say she healed well!

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Permalink Reply by Emily on April 9, 2008 at 3:07pm

Hey guys,

What is the significance of spelling it with an S? I thought about searching for canSer, but realized I'd come up with way too many posts! haha. thanks from a newbie...

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Permalink Reply by Debbie on April 9, 2008 at 5:33pm

kris started it, the little c, spelling it wrong.. it is a way to make it smaller to diss it, to laugh in it's face so to speak.
hope that helps
deb

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Permalink Reply by Emily on April 9, 2008 at 7:51pm

oh! gotcha, thanks...

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Permalink Reply by Debbie on June 22, 2008 at 11:09am

Uh, indolent somewhere in your life? WTF does that even mean????
ignore the stupid
cherish the brave, wise folks that walk the path you walk, every day, holding your hand and drying your tears!
deb

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Permalink Reply by Debbie on June 22, 2008 at 1:10pm

whats that? did you say something<: not that I'm ignoring you.. heeheehee

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