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You may have realised I've been a bit quiet for a while. I've stopped crowing about my super-smoothies and my ventures towards solid food, simply because it ain't happening. After two doses of radiotherapy, neither of which appear to have done much except maybe stop the bleeding from my main oesophageal cancer (my back is no better at all), I have observed the relentless weight loss (over 52 lbs so far) and it took a bio-scientist friend of mine to say "You'd better get back on those Ensures or you won't be here for long! You need the carbohydrates they offer and you need them now!"
So today I reluctantly went on to Ensures again in the hope that it might give me a brief respite from becoming a living skeleton. What really brought it home were the family photos after my son's wedding on Tuesday (see them at Adam and Mandy's Wedding at http://www.flickr.com/gp/16735390@N00/054kh9 and I'm sure you'll agree!) Watching my family and friends watching me was an education! I think it's time for me to concentrate on building up a bit as the "good food" is not helping at all.
Any further advice welcome.
Another problem is that the nature of these sickly drinks is that they come straight back up if I drink the slightest amount of fruity stuff, because they curdle into lumps which won't go down because the aperture to my stomach is now so tiny. I crave ice cold fruity things but can't have them without real discomfort.
I will see my oncologist next Thursday and she will offer me chemo but knows I'll say "NO". She may offer me a stent to allow food down but the dangers here are making the cancer bleed again and metastasize further, as well as possible rejection.
My spiritual side is being well looked after with meditation, reiki and an excellent grop of positive buddies, so do not fear for my state of mind. But, when the body is so relentlessly attacked, it's hard to see that in a positive way without deluding oneself.
Working is tougher now but I'm still doing it as we have to pay the mortgage. After that, who knows?
Love to all from a not-quite-so-chirpy TonyO
xxx
I'd just like to add that the response from so many good friends has really helped me to feel strong and resolute!!! I am so full of gratitude and love for you all...
Sorry Tony - I would absolutely disagree with adding Ensure to your diet - and would do everything in my power to stay away from it and any other products that contain large amounts of sugars.
Here is an article I found that will support my view.
I know you said you lost about 52 pounds and find it's hard to keep other juices down. What about some of the non-so-sweet juices - you can prepare in a juicer?
I would really try to stay away from the sugar - because I just believe that they will only help to feed any and all cancer growth.
I trust my friend, the bio-scientist. He is one of the most eminent people in his field. I also trust your views but I am in a cleft stick - if he tells me I am hastening my death by refusing easily-absorbed carbs such as are found in "Ensure" I feel I must follow his advice. He gave me a long explanation of why Ensures will keep me alive and I can see no point in throwing what little I have left away because of a somewhat academic point. He is of the view that, whatever I do, this type of cancer is relentless. Refusing to nourish my body is really being suicidal and that I ain't!
I have given a raw food diet every chance, to my absolute detriment, that is to say I can SEE my body deteriorating and that's that. The speed at which the deterioration is maintained is very scary and I will take some Ensures as well as "the good stuff".
My response is determined by my absolute inability to ingest anything other than liquid. My fantastic "smoothies" will no longer stay down as I fancy the tumour is advancing up my oesophagus, making it harder and harder.
My own advice will not be appropriate for everyone. Clearly the state of my digestive system is a bit unusual, so right now my priority is NOT TO DESTROY MY MUSCULAR SYSTEM COMPLETELY.
Thanks, however, for your advice, which would be right for many.
I don't have any advice. But I'm inclined to agree with your friend at this point. I know you were trying juices and coconut water right? They weren't helping you gain weight? I can understand. I don't have even cancer and when I went raw, I dropped so much weight I started eating cooked food again. I really think you need to do whatever you can to just keep something down until you get stronger.
Did you ever get a chance to talk to Dr. B or Dr. Walker? What did they say?
So glad to hear you've already gained a pound! You are working so hard at doing this the right way. This tells me that right now Ensure is the "right" way. I am wishing you all the best. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts are with you.
My heart just brakes knowing you are having such a hard time. I wish I had some advice to give. I wish I knew the answers. All I can do is pray for you and light my candle. Your spirit shines so bright. Your strength is undeniable. I just wish there were some answers in this head of mine. All my love and light going out to you Tony.
Tony!
I am so sorry you are struggling. I am also on the weight gain misison and having a very hard time via the good stuff. You are in my thoughts and follow your heart and instincts. I think at this point, you need to do what you need to do to stay strong.
Oh Tony, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I wish I had good advice for you and that I knew the answers, but I'm afraid I don't. I'm not sure that I know what you can and cannot eat. Can you eat solids? Have you tried sprouted grain breads? Can you have smoothies? What about some sort of smoothie recipe that has almond butter in it? Or even peanut butter? I must admit, I'm at a loss. I wish I knew what to suggest. But, you need to do whatever you feel is right for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and will be sending you healthy, weight gaining vibes!
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