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You may have realised I've been a bit quiet for a while. I've stopped crowing about my super-smoothies and my ventures towards solid food, simply because it ain't happening. After two doses of radiotherapy, neither of which appear to have done much except maybe stop the bleeding from my main oesophageal cancer (my back is no better at all), I have observed the relentless weight loss (over 52 lbs so far) and it took a bio-scientist friend of mine to say "You'd better get back on those Ensures or you won't be here for long! You need the carbohydrates they offer and you need them now!"
So today I reluctantly went on to Ensures again in the hope that it might give me a brief respite from becoming a living skeleton. What really brought it home were the family photos after my son's wedding on Tuesday (see them at Adam and Mandy's Wedding at http://www.flickr.com/gp/16735390@N00/054kh9 and I'm sure you'll agree!) Watching my family and friends watching me was an education! I think it's time for me to concentrate on building up a bit as the "good food" is not helping at all.
Any further advice welcome.
Another problem is that the nature of these sickly drinks is that they come straight back up if I drink the slightest amount of fruity stuff, because they curdle into lumps which won't go down because the aperture to my stomach is now so tiny. I crave ice cold fruity things but can't have them without real discomfort.
I will see my oncologist next Thursday and she will offer me chemo but knows I'll say "NO". She may offer me a stent to allow food down but the dangers here are making the cancer bleed again and metastasize further, as well as possible rejection.
My spiritual side is being well looked after with meditation, reiki and an excellent grop of positive buddies, so do not fear for my state of mind. But, when the body is so relentlessly attacked, it's hard to see that in a positive way without deluding oneself.
Working is tougher now but I'm still doing it as we have to pay the mortgage. After that, who knows?
Love to all from a not-quite-so-chirpy TonyO
xxx
I'd just like to add that the response from so many good friends has really helped me to feel strong and resolute!!! I am so full of gratitude and love for you all...
Carolyn you don't have the right to come here and bark at people about your beliefs. That is not what this site is about. Tony is not the first person I have seen you do this too, and I find it distrubing.
Tony, at this point, I think you need to just get down whatever you can. Did I recommend coconut water already? If you can find Young Thai Coconuts in your area, they hydrate your body at the celular level. Bav told me that and she is a doctor. Maybe the coconut water would stay down for you, but I don't know how that would help you hold any weight. But at lease it would keep you hydrated.
I'm lighting my candle for you today, and praying very hard. You are a kind gentle man and if all I can do is pray, then I will do it all day long.
Thanks for speaking for alot of goony.I wonder on a daily bases if this is the right site for some people.Doesn't gerson and who ever in the hell have a place to hang out?
Tony....I'm looking up info for my friend and battle with nutrtion,its tough,it comes back to what you know,get down what you can.She goes for a consult this Thursday,she may be looking at a feeding tube.
I was talking to her about juicing,etc,but shes past that,and I agree with goony about the coconut juice,sipping one one as you can.
another suggestion from dr ralph moss: google Seacure from Proper Nutrition, Inc. its a fish supplement that was developed to help combat worldwide malnutrition. it's been studied in uruguay with cancer patients and their general nutrition was better and they reported a remission of pain
i bought some for A but of course, it was too much effort for him to take them
Part of my problem is that I am now taking more supplements than any other item. They all taste foul and that taste hangs around for hours. But I'll try to locate some of what you suggest. I can understand what you mean about "too much effort". I can sympathise that, no matter how much a good soul is trying with love to make you do the right thing, it's not always possible to comply, often because the regime simply cannot be supported.
Look, Carolyn, picture this: I have spent ALL NIGHT drinking plain water and upchucking it half an hour later. I haven't slept for more than half an hour at a time. My tongue is as dry as a piece of sandpaper. My mouth tastes foul, and even a mouthwash doesn't help. My throat is sore and I have a chest infection. My breathing is difficult. Right now there's no chance I could swallow an Ensure in any case. I have to work today nonetheless because the mortgage has to be paid. The next thing is an antibiotic which I have to take because of my chest infection - and that will be horrible because it will be the very devil to keep down. I hate Ensures, their flavour, texture and the fact that they coat your teeth, gums and throat, but without them I will continue to lose 2lbs each day. That's a simple fact. I am now seriously worried I won't be able to swallow one of them either. Does this give you some sense of my predicament? I am an intelligent adult and have no death wish, but I cannot force down what will not go down.
If the Ensures are feeling too thick to swallow too there are also some medical nutrition drinks that are clear with juice-type of flavors. Resource Breeze, Enlive and one that is taken in very small doses, but has a high protein content is Pro-Stat. We tried everything with my husband, but he just got so sick of all the sweet flavors. (He also had salt restrictions.) Right now, you need to keep your energy up as much as possible. I think we all take for granted the gift eating is for us until we see someone who is struggling as you are. What is involved in the stent? Is there a lot of down time? Weird complications? I continue to keep you in my prayers and hope that you are able to quit losing weight.
The stent is a kind of tube that they insert, making a (hopefully) clear route from oesophagus to stomach. It is put in using the same process as an endoscopy, normally with a muscle relaxant sedative rather than a full anaesthetic. Complications, as I understand it, are: Possible rejection, discomfort, bleeding (which from the tumour itself could result in further metastases) or even perhaps failure to operate if the tumour is now too invasive in the stomach itself.
of course you are worried! i think we're all worried about you!! but if you can't keep water down, you probably can't keep ensures down either
my friend A eats quite well. he has a pretty good appetite and his type of cancer is not blocking his swallowing like yours. he can take supplements- he just doesn't want to because a nurse doesn't bring them to him. he has no problem downing all the pills that they bring him in the hospital
however, even with breakfasts of eggs and toast and lunches and dinners of salmon, mashed potatoes and vegetables, he is still wasting away before our eyes.
and unlike you, he's not working. he's hasn't been out of the bed in probably 2 months so he's not using the calories that you are using by going to work
but he's till getting thinner and thinner. so my point was, and maybe i made it badly, that there might be something going on that has nothing to do with ensures or calories. i have read that at a certain point, the cancer just takes over and takes all the calories for itself, kind of like a fetus does
and if you can't even keep down water...
you might need a tube at this point to bypass your esophagus??
it's actually amazing that you are still working
Hi Tony,
Just want to say "hi" and send a lot of healing energy your way.
If I may suggest this: try to go all organic; can you see a holistic MD? The insurance won't pay for it but you may get a lot of good advice! You cannot go wrong with all organic green juices: organic bananas and nut butters for weight gain, etc. I am sure your regular doc won't object to that - it cannot hurt in any way! How about green smoothies: avocado, banana, green supplement, berries, little honey, all blended for easy assimilation and digestion? This particular shake gives my mom energy and staying power: plus it has vitamins and minerals.
I will keep you in my prayers!
Mary
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