Sad Big Sister

Hi Niki- I am sorry to hear about your sister. My sisters have been going through the same things as you, and my older one is 27 as well. Please let me know if you ever need anything. I am always open to talk to you and help you understand about your sister's illness. I know you prob are trying to be strong for her so if you need to cry, voice your fears and concerns, I am available. Anytime.

Keep your head up and stay strong. Its difficult but just remember that every day is one day closer to a cure.

Natalie

Wow Thanks so much It has been extremly difficult lately for her and for me and I feel like there is no where to turn to. It has been nice being able to come here and meet others with similar stories. I wish there was more that I could do besides go crazy......

The only thing you can do is be there for her in whatever way she needs. For instance, my sisters came to my surgery to aleviate the pressure I felt from staying together when my parents where around. When I came home after my first dose of interferon and was crying my eyes out, my older sister came over to my parents house and stayed with me all night. When younger one simply rubbed my feet to help with the headache. Simple things like that make a world of difference. I promise. Even if its something little, like a card or a text saying I love you, she just needs to know you are there. For the cancer survivor, (at least I know for me) it is very hard to show to people that you are scared of the results and your future. Having my sisters and my little brother by my side has been a miracle. My parents are wonderful but constantly watching me like a hawk because they are scared to lose me. Does your sister live by you? Is she undergoing treatment or just diagnosed.... had surgery yet? If she is, make it a point to let her know that she will be ok and you will all get through this together. my sisters like to tell me that the reason I was the one diagnosed with it is because if it was either of them, there would have been no hope. Keep her spirits up in any way you can.. watch funny stupid movies, look through old yearbooks and pictures, anything to let her know that this is one stepping stone that will make her who she will grow up to be.

let me know if any of this helped. I'm always available.

Good luck and keep the smile on :)

Natalie

Yes you have been an amazimg help, I would love to talk to you more.... the thing is my sister has gone through numerous surgeries, treatments( she tried the IL-2)...etc.. nothing seems to be working and we are trying everything. She has the worst attitude I dont know if shes scared or what because she never talks about it When I try to bring it up we end up fighting so most of our time together now is spent doing silly sister fun things, Its hard though because we live two hours away from each other and she is living with our mom right now which could be pretty stressful on any 24 yr old...she goes into surgery on monday to remove a large tumor that is sticking way out of her shoulder, Its pretty freaky and scary and she thinks its no big deal. I would do anything and everything I can to help her (rub her feet, her shoulders ,get her anything she wants to eat, even if its 30 miles away ) I love her so much and she thinks Im suffacating her.I I dont care! Im going to see her and be with her through the surgery and Im bringing my cute 2 yr old who my sister adores and hopefully he will cheer her up.
Im very glad we found each other and maybe I could get my sister to talk to you. You have been very helpful, Thank you so much.

Niki- WOW, your sister sounds like me whenI was first diagnosed. I am 25 and living with my parents, who can be extremely suffocating and "mother hennish" sometimes. I think what you are doing is great.. doing silly sister fun things. Thats what makes things most normal to her. I know I try all the time to act as if nothing is wrong but inside I am freaking out. People cope with these things different ways and maybe her way is to pretend like nothing is wrong. Maybe it makes her feel like she has some control in a a situation which is out of her control. Does she seem optimistic or like she has given up hope? I know I get agitated when people keep asking me how I am bc in all reality, I might not be ok and facing that is terrifying to me. But I put on a smile and say "I'm good." It makes everyone else feel better around me and its get people off my back. Maybe thats what she is doing, maybe not. I would be more than happy to talk to her if she wants to. I can tell you, when I was first diagnosed, I would not have wanted to talk to anyone. It was not until it came back that I was actually scared and did not want my family to know how scared I really was. She might need some time to digest all this. Its a lot to handle for a 24 yr old.

I think bringing your 2 yr old would be great. When my sister brought over my niece and nephew after surgery and even during treatments, it was a relief bc I could occupy my time with them and see them smile and laugh and it made me feel better. I think she would love it. My 3 yr old niece would play the ouchy game with me... touch my ouchy and give it kisses to make it better. not only was it cute, but its so sweet to think of her trying to make me feel better.

Does she like to do anything? Read, write, draw, listen ot music? Just thinking maybe you could get here a book or a compilation of her favorite songs, something to let her know you are trying. Also, maybe you could take your mom out of the house for while, just to give her some space and free time to herself. Maybe bring the baby and when the baby is sleeping, you and your mom could go run errands so she can be by herself and not have someone constantly watching over her.

i think its great you are trying so hard to be there for your sister. let me know how surgery goes tomw. She and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Natalie

Hi My sister is exactly you. I am so sorry for you and your family members, I dont want to make you feel worse but I know what your going through and what your family is going through and its horrible and painful and scary. My sister isnt optimistic at all and I dont know if she has given up hope Its really hard to tell with her, she never talks about it. It is very hard bc we are very close and I love her so much and if it was me i would be super scared and I would want her right by my side. I was thinking of writing her letters, once a week, that really told her how I felt but I dont want them to scare her, What do you think? I am the most open and honest person in our family Im also the person that holds most of the family together along with our problems, Im really feeling like Im gonna fall apart but I want to be wonderwoman for my sister. Its so hard, Im sorry you are going through this.
Lorens surgery went really well, she was in and out of the hospital very quickly with min. pain. She was very happy that I came with my boy. She did awesome, they said they removed everything( HOPEFULLY) and they are sending everything back to the labs for further studies! Today she is a little more sore but they did touch muscle tissue so soreness is expected, she just thinks she can heal super fast from everything like is in invincable. Do you think that way? What really pissed me off though was that after surgery no one saw the doctor and we had to ask to have him paged so we could talk to him. Loren was his last patient so I guess he needed to leave, but I always feel the doctors arent giving the attention I think someone in Lorens situation needs! Plus she always defends them time they are doing the best they can, Im sure they are but they need to act like they care more!
She is getting a computer soon and I would love it if you two could talk, she needs to talk to you... I know I needed it and you have made me feel better.. Thank you.